Eulogy For A Mother Not Yet Gone


My mother, sainted soul that she is…deserves to be remembered far before she ever leaves this Earth. So I shall let her know by writing this Eulogy, because I want her to know what I’m going to say when the old bat kicks the bucket.

My mother has been a genuinely kind person. She does love her bit of tipple, but seeing the world struggle as it has, who the hell doesn’t? My mother has always been witty, and appreciative, and has lived her life with definite feminist morality. If someone told her that a woman couldn’t get an abortion because some old book told them so….that book’s goin in the trash! Or at the very least, large chunks would be sharpied out and rewritten by hand. God told MY mother that she, God, is a believer in equality first, sanctimonious religious craptitude after. My mother didn’t march for equal rights just to have someone tell her daughter that she couldn’t get what she wanted because she was of the delicate female persuasion. So I get to study what ever the hell I want, when I want, and go where I want, and talk to who I want, because my mommy said so.

Of course, my mother’s life has not been all about beating sanctimonious jackasses over the head with a very large stick. Sometimes it was with a very large sword. Yes, I’m talking about my mother’s adoration of MMO’s. Next to Ms. Pac Man, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a woman so intent on world domination since Cleopatra brought an end to dynastic rule by breaking the hearts of men for the next two thousand years. The very first hint I had of my mother’s fascination was when we were all eagerly playing Everquest and my mother said, “I found a new game, and all I can say is….WOW…..” Thus began a new dynasty.

To this day I miss my mother’s cooking. She is a very good cook, and I learned a lot from her, although ahem..I learned how to make a better turkey. But even mashed potatoes and ground beef became complimentary under her hands. I never had a fear of roasting or baking after she taught me how to handle food. I stopped being afraid of anything that had “tongue” or “blood” in the name, which is the reason I will try any food, no matter how weird. I believe I even surpassed her adventurous nature with crickets and sushi.

I could talk about my mother for days, she has done so much with her life, but I do need to let other people talk about her. So for now, I will wish that I may someday be able to say to my mother…

“Happy 200th birthday Mom” :)